Thinking of God as a healer can be very tricky. Some people believe that God no longer does miracles, while others are completely confident that God will completely heal their physical bodies of every ailment if they simply have faith. However, I think God is far more than either of those definitions.

I recently restarted my exploration of the names of God and found myself on Yahweh Rophe. While usually translated “the God who heals” I’ve been transfixed by the notion of the God who restores. I may be quibbling over semantics, but to anyone who has met me: you know the debate is half the fun. ^-^

I’ve spent the last year+ praying and asking God about my future. Specifically, what should I be doing? My desire to practice medicine as a doctor is unabated, but that path seems closed and there has been no miraculous restoration of the route to becoming a board-certified anything. Instead, I remain in limbo: a doctor who is unable to get a job within healthcare.

But I’ve been focusing on the restoration of the wrong thing.

My year in residency did a number on my relationships, both human and divine. It completely stalled out my growth on a number of fronts: physical health, emotional balance, and spiritual development.

In praying to Yahweh Rophe, I’ve still been guilty of being focused on the one thing that doesn’t really matter: my career. If I’m not shinning God’s light into the world, then a job is meaningless: a chasing after the wind. If I am being a witness, then that’s all that matters. It’s been a slow, painful revelation, but I’ve changed my prayer:

How can I reflect you, God? What fruit can I cultivate that makes your character obvious? What will make me attractive to those who need the restoration only Yahweh Rophe provides? Where can I go to build the relationships you want me to have?

While the career I wanted is definitely not restored, it’s finally feeling like I’m starting to ask the questions that will hopefully, eventually, help me heal.